Poetic Homage to My Ancestor, Ogden Nash

Quest With a Happy Ending
By Alice Chenault

At long last, after half a century of searching, if not more
Today I discovered what I have been longing for.
Fashion and good grooming’s tenets require a lady’s legs, axillae, and chin to be unhaired
But pursuing this goal adds hugely to women’s unending travails and trouble.
For one thing, no matter how sharp the blade or deft the hand
You always end up with razor rash and/or stubble.
Worse than that, blood oozes from legions of abrasions, lacerations and contusions.
Having discovered the cure, my ethical standards dictate that it not languish unshared:
Go out and buy yourself a gadget known as the Gillette Fusion.
It will leave your legs smooth as a catfish belly and your epidermis fully intact, so that people will heap you with flattery
Please do not be alarmed to learn that the device operates on electric power:
I assure you it is quite safe to use in the shower
And requires only one triple-A battery!
Moreover, Monsieur or, more likely, Madame Gillette must be a person who is all heart
Having conveniently supplied his or her product to outlets including CVS, Costco, and Walmart.
And at the low price of only nine-ninety-five
You can get one for the bathroom and another to keep in the car and use while you drive.